On picking fights with strangers

I'm applying to grad school and had been, until now, dreading a question from overstuffed applications and daft admissions officers: What is something no one would know just by looking at you?

Answer: I'm the only person I know who makes at least one enemy a day. Why not, when it's so bleeping easy? The strength of my middle finger is becoming legendary. It turns potential suitors and other unfortunate assholes into circus animals. Smiling, tame puppets one moment, then growling, gnashing predators the next.

I laugh. I laugh and wave my finger some more. I throw it up behind me and let it linger until the traffic light changes (and they speed off in anger/disappointment) or they get tired of yelling my favorite of all obscenities and my de facto nickname -- You Bitch.

It's not even 4 and I've already made an enemy, despite being chained to a desk. This one is virtual and a stalker. Not my stalker, but my sister's. *cut to Robert De Niro or Mel Gibson or some tough guy sneering "Now it's personal."

She's my little sis (by two years) and more than capable of taking care of herself. Where she will ignore the problem -- hell she won't even consider it such -- I go on the hunt. Vendetta. However, This cyber-stalker just peeved me. Making comments on every picture of her. Quoth the stalker "sexy/mysterious."

Ick.

So, I found all the pictures of hers he commented on, and made comments about him. I've dubbed him "Creeper."

We'll see how this campaign goes.

The best advice I can give on picking fights with strangers is to be sure you're 1) bigger than they are; 2) of a different sex; 3) utilizing a different mode of transportation than you (i.e. you're walking, they're in a car); 4) prepared to fake a seizure or madness should they attack.

I have the small dog mentality. I bark and yap at bigger pups just to assert my dominance. True, my dominance is imagined, but isn't fun to make-believe?!

I'm looking forward to later, 5ish. Not only do I get to leave this ad agency hell, I get to have dinner with people I truly like and respect and am in awe of, S and B. I'm keeping my eye on the clock for din din in Hampden with my lady-friends.

That was not intended to rhyme, but it's delightful it turned out that way nonetheless.